It’s a minefield out there. I’m talking specifically about food mind, otherwise this would take far too long and bore you all to tears, but food is rich subject. There’s so much of it!
I’m a simple creature so fancy pants food annoys me. Ok it looks pretty positioned there in the middle of the plate for all to see with swirls of pesto round it and a little parmesan crust hat, but WHERE IS THE REST OF IT?! If I wanted minimal eating I would pick the unwanted vegetables out of the food tray in the bottom of the fridge. I mean really.
But what really bothers me (in a slight rain man fashion) is people who mix sweet with savoury. And I know I’m not alone in the world (thank god for Sam) so let the ranting commence.
It’s not right.
Why ever would you put jam in a sandwich?
I will give a certain amount of leeway to people who eat white bread jam sandwiches, but brown bread? That’s like putting a good heap of lemon curd in a jacket potato. It’s just not done! There are so many choices for the common sandwich, like cheese and pickle, or ham and tomato, why do you have to get greedy and start adding in dessert? Pineapple on a pizza? Lemon chicken? A lemon? With chicken?! No thank you very much. Raisins in curry? You can keep them and I’m not even going to start on the whole duck smothered in pieces of orange. You are over complicating it!
Apple. With cheese. I can’t even start on this, it annoys me too much. But the worst one is when you go out for dinner and you get some salad with whatever you ordered, and it comes with a flower in it. thats just taking it too far.
There are, as always, certain exclusions.
• Pork with apple sauce. Allowed. In fact I quite like it.
• Red cabbage with apple. As above.
• Bread and butter pudding. Tolerated as the bread is sweet.
• Lamb tagine. I hate to say it but I like the apricots. Shudder.
I don’t care if it’s the new thing or a ‘taste sensation’ I don’t want it. Quelle fromage!