I regularly skim through blog stats to see how people are finding my blog, and every now and again my eye rests on a particularly weird one. Sure, I talk about a lot of random things, but I am always slightly surprised by how the search engines direct people to me, as a resource to find out the answers to those really important, burning questions. Some are obvious, when people Google “pictures of big hairy spiders” I can understand why one of my posts on the ongoing battle between me and them comes up, as I regularly provide you with photographic evidence to ensure that you understand the severity of my situations (!) but some of them go from the sublime to the ridiculous!
So, to do my bit for the greater good, I’ll see what I can do to help out some of these people who may be lost, like a random generating agony aunt. I’m good like that. All donations of cake by way of thanks can be sent direct
1) I just feel misunderstood by my hairy armpits.
Come on now Google. I may have ranted on the odd occasion about the stench of armpits on public transport, and even documented a programme about hairy armpits, but I can’t say that I am openly supportive on this issue. If you have somehow got here and feel misunderstood about your hairy armpits, then I am sorry. We don’t judge here, but you probably haven’t found a kindred spirit either.
2) Evil chinchilla
A common concern amongst the masses. Is your chinchilla evil? Might it eat your brains when you are sleeping? I don’t have any scientific proof to back this up, but what I would say is their beady eyes make me feel like they are a bit shifty, and I wouldn’t trust them.
3) How to make a bee
Get some honey, add water, stir. That’s right, surely?
4) Humping for shoes
Disclaimer: Humping for shoes (hahahah) is not condoned. Reminds me of that programme called ‘Sex, Lies and Rinsing Guys’.
5) Boob emoticon
I have boobs. I hate emoticons. Not sure how one and one got put together and directed my way, but I don’t have anything to offer this one. Although, on one day this week I couldn’t work out why I was uncomfortable. I went through the day, had lunch, went for dinner… it wasn’t till I got into the shower and struggled to get my bra off that in my tiredness that morning (in my defence, it WAS dark) I had somehow managed to put on my bra inside out, and do it up. Oh yeah, and wear it like that the whole day. What hope is there for me?
6) Fat girls being swooped by birds
7) And the best one … “Hubble hubble toil and trouble, I live inside my happy bubble”