I’ve been in California for 2 weeks now, 2 fun weeks of skiing (in a manner of speaking) smiling and shopping. The latter 2 are my favourite. But I have also had a lot of time to reflect, and come to the decision that I am very much a split screen.
Screen 1 – London Belle
When in London, I am smart and organised. I went through a phase last Christmas of being super stressed, snappy and a massive b*tch to anyone that dare come in contact with me. In my defence, I was going through a lot behind the scenes, but that isn’t an excuse and didn’t make it OK. As a result I drove people away who didn’t deserve it, and was generally a complete mess. Moving to London was cathartic for me; a clean page of the notebook, a new set of people to discover, places to explore and time to waste. My confidence boosted back to where it should have been, my heart healed from hurt and my body began to resume its shape, shedding the comfort food layer that had become my hiding. In fact, the awesome Belle was back (because you can’t spell awesome without ‘me’, right? ) and I love London. I love that there is always something to do, rain or shine, that everything is so close together and that I live in one of the most historically rich, architecturally spellbinding capital cities of the world.
London Belle dresses her best daily (come on, we’ve all seen Enchanted, where the Disney Prince springs out of the gutter and rescues the girl, right? Or more’s the point, in memory of my Auntie telling me once that a girl should always wear matching undies in case an ambulance man ever has to cut her out of her clothes), eats a healthy breakfast and is never far from her phone, in case someone, somewhere is seeking her infinite wisdom (or trying to remind her to pay her phone bill, in reality).
Screen 2, San Diego Belle
Oh how schizophrenic my two personalities seem. San Diego Belle likes dogs (although London Belle still rises when the dogs try to sleep on her bed, and refuses). She doesn’t wear much make up, always has sand in her shoes and is the calmest of the calm. She buys things like yoga pants, running shoes and hoodies, and is often found nose down in a book, unable to locate her phone (No don’t ring it, it’s on silent!!!!) Nothing stresses her. She is surrounded by the background noise of teenage boys (current fad, a soundboard where you make your own drum and bass music, accompanied with Beavis and Butthead laughter at all times of day and night) and teenage girl (Disney channel, ohmygaaad chattering with friends and regular questions about nail polish and math). Bothered? Not in the slightest. San Diego Belle’s hair is a mess, cheeks are glowing and feet could constantly do with a wash where she is out and about sans shoes.
This trip I am trying to merge the two personalities. Shopping trips have come back with me buying nothing, as I have a habit of buying teenage girl clothes that I couldn’t possibly wear to the office in London, and my hair will soon be cut and coloured ready to make my (sad) trip back across the pond to resume daily life. I intend to transfer offices as soon as I can so that California becomes my home, but in the mean time i want to adopt some of the happiness I have here and convert the two ladies into one, solid as a rock. If that means that I am open to new possibilities in London, or the relighting of old ones, then the pleasure will be all mine. I have ten days left here in the place my heart feels at home, but then the 2013 adventure begins. And my, what an adventure its set to be.