A Grandfather Is Someone With Silver In His Hair, And Gold In His Heart – Anon

7 Nov

My Grandfather was one of my biggest fans, and a great influence on my life. I promised him I would be brave and strong, and live my life in the way that he would have liked me to. I promised I would be kind to people, to show respect and dignity, and above all, live my life like there was no tomorrow.

My beloved Grandfather passed away on Sunday morning. I am glad to have known him, and that he is at peace and not in pain. I don’t want to tell you about it, there are some things that are private to me and my family. Above all, I need some time to come to terms with a world with a hole in it.

I know how much he loved to read, and I want to share a letter I wrote when he was first diagnosed, not three months ago. I did get the courage to give it to him, and for that I will be forever grateful. He died knowing how important he was to the little girl that in the blink of his eye became the woman I am today.

Sleep tight Granddad. xx

IMG_2810

Granddad

How do you begin to tell someone the impact they have on your life and how much you love them and will miss them when they are gone? How do you convey the magnitude of their meaning and he depth of your gratitude?

It’s hard to say, but I know that given the chance I would want to, and I would always choose the opportunity to say thank you, and I love you, and I miss you already, and goodbye.

They say the first man a girl loves is her Daddy, but my affections were torn from the start. I adored my Dad but there was a special place reserved from my Grandgrad – a space that to this day is stuffed full of admiration. I could see my Granddad in me; stubborn and blunt with a bit more stubborn thrown in for good measure.

As I grew I rallied against him and we had a tough few years where we always argued – him throwing grenades into the conversation designed to rile a hot headed 15 year old. I argued and just made myself look stupid.

And then it was as if the grouchy caterpillar emerged from her chrysalis and finally I appreciated this man for what he was; sometimes a sage sounding board, sometimes a maker or mischief, but always the protector of my heart and my safety.

I’ve had the fortune to be blessed with my Granddad for my 27 years and the idea of a world without him is something I can’t bear to consider. My heart twists when I think of a wedding day that he might not attend, children that may never know how I learnt to tell when he was making up a story, and Christmases where he doesn’t shake his presents, throw the wrapping paper over his shoulder and exclaim “Super! Thanks Flower!” when he opens his gifts, regardless of what they are.

My Granddad is as ingrained in my life as remembering my keys in the morning. If something breaks, I ask him. If a recipe doesn’t work, I go to him for advice. “I’ll ask Granddad” is a phrase that pops into my head as easily as I remember my name, and try as I might I can’t envisage the thought of a future without the man who has shaped my past.

Summers were spent holidaying in Europe, sampling different cuisines and casting our eyes over the terrains of different countries. Teenage slumbers were woken by him singing “parumpa pump pum” outside bedroom doors. Christmas morning peace punctuated by German children singing Christmas carols, and none of us four girls wanted car rides with him for fear of being subjected to Radio Four, or worse, The Archers.

So how do you put into words how much you love a person, and given the chance how do you say thank you for everything they have done?

How do I begin to tell you I am stronger for the support you have given me and that I’m richer for the love and security you have provided? I can’t fathom ever having to watch you disappear, to vanish from my life like you are walking away into the horizon until you are so small that I can’t make you out anymore? But that’s mortality, isn’t it?

The truth is, I’m not sure I will ever be able to.

I’m the luckiest girl in the world for having known and being loved by such a man, not only as a child when a girl loves her Granddad, but as a woman who adores him for the profound effect he has had on her life.

I might be selfish; a lot of people lose their grandparents young and I am lucky, but the truth is I AM selfish, because I don’t want to build a life where you aren’t part of the foundations.

Love might be a four letter word, but it’s also a rich tapestry of dreams and needs, filled with the colours of your past and the outlines of your future.

And Granddad, you have coloured in a lot of the hard parts for me, and ill never forget that. I hope you are here for years to come, passing me the crayons.

I love you.

L

About these ads

12 Responses to “A Grandfather Is Someone With Silver In His Hair, And Gold In His Heart – Anon”

  1. Redneckprincess November 7, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

    Oh my friend…there are no words. I feel your loss…my grandfather died over twenty years ago now, and still not a day goes by that I don’t miss him or he still doesn’t influence my life. I am lucky enough to still have both my parents and I still constantly see grandpa in my dad :) my love to you Laura xox

    • tinkerbelle86 November 7, 2013 at 3:35 pm #

      its funny, I always thought my Granddad and Dad were poles apart and nothing like each other, but just this weekend I see the similarities threaded through. I guess you see differently when your heart wants to. x

      • Hazel Tinker November 8, 2013 at 8:31 pm #

        He was very dear and will always be in the hearts of those of us who knew and loved him

  2. elroyjones November 7, 2013 at 5:05 pm #

    Tears. So sorry for your loss, wishing you comfort in your memories.

  3. Twindaddy November 7, 2013 at 5:55 pm #

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Tink. I have no doubt that he’s in a better place and watching down over you.

  4. prenin November 7, 2013 at 6:13 pm #

    So sorry Tinkerbubbles, but he was a good man and as long as you live he will be well remembered.

    Thank you for sharing this part of your life and giving me cause to remember my ever loving grandfather who never did any wrong in his entire life and did so much good for hundreds of abused kids working with an NSPCC inspector and the Police for many years..

    Love and hugs sweety and God Bless you always.

    Prenin.

  5. MummyPage November 7, 2013 at 10:51 pm #

    Darling girl, he’s up there now, cooking up a storm with the most exotic ingredients you’d care to imagine for the angels to sample – and in the blink of an eye you’ll be sampling them again too – or so it will seem when you meet him again. Lovely letter, very brave to share it xxx

  6. ksbeth November 7, 2013 at 11:50 pm #

    i’m so sorry for your loss, he sounds like a very special person. wonderful tribute )

  7. susielindau November 8, 2013 at 2:37 am #

    This is such a fantastic tribute. I am sure he is smiling down on you now. You will have the memories which will be keen at first but will warm you in the time to come..
    Wishing your family peace and love in their profound loss.

    • tinkerbelle86 November 8, 2013 at 3:51 pm #

      Thanks Susie. I know they will, he was a fantastic man.

  8. Lisa Tinker November 8, 2013 at 8:28 am #

    Beautiful, he would be so proud xxxx

  9. Rayme Wells @ A Clean Surface November 10, 2013 at 4:30 am #

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

Speak Your Mind.... Laughter is Catching!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,932 other followers

%d bloggers like this: