I’ve never been one of those girls that knows about calories. Or, for that matter, cares about calories. The most health conscious I have ever been is being able to hold a straight face when insisting that orange flavoured chocolate is one of your five a day, and that if you eat loads on a plane it doesn’t count because you are in the air.
So I was slightly horrified when my clothes started to feel a little tight at the seams, and I started to look a little, well, doughy. WTF? I’ve always eaten what I liked and the only exercise I can admit to regularly doing is walking (at speed) to the fridge. It dawned on me. I will be 30 soon. Is this what my cousins forebode when they tried to tell me that when you hit 30 you can’t metabolise one brie a day? Good Lord, it could all be coming true.
Don’t get me wrong, I had achieved my goal of eating nearly an entire cheeseboard each day between Christmas and New Year, and I had bloody enjoyed it. It’s not like I am disillusioned as to why calories are sticking to me like I am the worlds biggest magnet, when all I’ve been eating is dust.
Teamed with the fact that my sister is on a health kick and my best friend has deemed her back too fat to fit in a bridesmaids dress in the summer, I realised I had to get my shit together.
In my opinion, the people who insist exercise is fun, being sweaty is achieving something and salad is delicious, are on crack. But I’ve embraced it – I’ve been swimming, am doing exercise videos and eating like a rabbit for the past few weeks. Wine has become the enemy (but I looooooooooove you) and there is an ultimate ban on cheese, which in my opinion, is like losing a limb.
However, the one thing that I really cannot stand, is the one thing that so many gym bunnies swear by.
The 30 Day Shred. People say that Jillian is motivational, and her shouting spurs you on. She often screams “if 400 pound people can do a jumping jack, you can too!!!!” But I am stubborn. She makes me want to face plant a carton of ice cream and chase it down with maple syrup. Which wouldn’t be a pretty sight for anyone.
So I’m adopting the Laura attitude to being a skinny Minnie – if occasionally I do eat a loaf of bread / a block of cheese /anything Jillian would disapprove of, at least ‘not eating it every day. In your face, America’s Biggest Shouter.
I’m sticking to Zumba and trying not to laugh in Yoga. That’s my jam.
What do you do to keep healthy? Any recipes that may save me from my personal salad hell?